When I'm 90

Well you know what they say, when it rains it pours. These past two weeks have been especially trying for me. A lot of stuff has been going on, and as it always seems to be the case everything happened all at once. I have been physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Most days I've been home only to sleep, and most nights I've tossed and turned unable to turn off my brain. God doesn't give us any more than we can handle, but boy has He been pushing my limits these past two weeks!

My family is enduring some big changes, none of which are easy ones. We've moved one grandma to an assisted living facility, and said goodbye to my other grandma who we are laying to rest this weekend. I've played the middle man to doctors and family members while my parents were on the other side of the country. I've put hundreds of miles on my car driving back and forth to the hospital and homes and stores and everywhere else. My life was put on hold for a week while I cared for my grandma, and then helped her transition to her new assisted living home. And of course, where there are family emergencies there is family drama. Emotionally, I am spent.

But through all the miles, and the phone calls and texts, and the drama and the tears, God has shown me plenty of good. He has shown me so many things to be grateful for. I spent a lot of time with my grandma this past week, reminiscing about days gone by. We talked about my grandpa and how good of a man he was. His humor, and his wit, his love of family (especially his grandchildren), his days playing football, and his love of hunting. And while he's been gone for more than 10 years, I realized he lived a full life and left all of us with so many good memories. My grandma talks about him in such a way that it's hard to describe. Her face lights up talking about her memories of him. She tells anybody who will listen how good of a husband he was to her. And then her face lands on his picture, and she says, "you stinker! Why did you have to leave me?" Her face temporarily saddens, remembering how much she misses him, and then she'll remember another good memory and she's all smiles again.

Grandma will tell you the same story 100 times over, but I don't mind. I never get enough of hearing how she met grandpa, or that one time they went for ice cream, or how she almost dated his brother but fell in love with grandpa the minute she met him. How he was so popular with the ladies, but for whatever reason he chose her. She'll never know why, but she's glad he did. It's a love story for the ages. Their story was even on the front page of the local newspaper many years ago as a featured Valentine's Day story. What love they had! And as my grandpa's health declined from multiple strokes, grandma never left his side. Grandma has taught me so much about life and love.

Helping to move grandma to assisted living was unexpectedly one of the hardest things I've done. I didn't think it would be hard, I've known for awhile now that this day would come. But as I was helping my parents pack up her belongings, helping to decide what to take and what to leave behind, I could feel tears forming behind my eyes. I didn't dare let one shed at the time. I had to be strong. I had to show grandma that this was the right decision, that she was going to love her new home. Every time I picked something up, there was a memory attached to it. Sometimes it was something I gave her, sometimes it was something someone else gave her and it sparked a memory of that person. I remembered sleepovers with cousins in grandma's house, making crafts and baking cakes, polka dancing and sick days on her couch. Oh the memories! I can see why this move is so hard for her. 55 years of memories in that house. I've moved 11 times, and even some of the moves where I lived somewhere only a year were tough ones. I can't imagine leaving 55 years of memories.

Yes, it has been a tough couple of weeks. Yes, we have a large, stubborn, opinionated family (we're Polish, we can't help it!). But through it all, I realized that we have a GOOD family. We have more LOVE in our family than most people ever find. While we may fight, we are always there for each other. But isn't that sort of normal? Families don't aways get along. Gosh, I don't think I can remember a holiday gone by that somebody wasn't arguing with someone about something. But isn't that the case with everyone? Maybe we're not as weird as we think! Yes, we are a family like none other. But gosh darn it, we have it pretty good! I am sure that grandpa is watching over us and is proud of the family he left behind. He taught us well. And grandma, well, she taught us all how to love.

Earlier this week I found myself giving grandma her own advice. Whenever I am upset about something, grandma reminds me that no matter how bad I have it, there is always someone else, somewhere, that has it worse than you. And you know what? She is right! All things considered, I have it pretty good. I have a wonderful loving husband, a gorgeous house, two cuddly kitties, a career I love, wonderful friends, and very large, very loving family. I could go on and on. Life is pretty good, all things considered.

When I am 90, and I am sitting in a nursing home with my granddaughter reminiscing about the old days, I hope I have good stories to tell her. I hope I leave a house full of memories of children and grandchildren, stories filled with love and laughter and all around good times. I hope she doesn't mind hearing the story of how I met my husband 100 times a day, or how it was in "the good old days." Yes, when I am 90 I hope my life was just as full as my grandma's has been. Because it doesn't matter where you live, or what you have, or who your friends are. What matters is the memories you make and the love you share. And when I am 90, I hope I can look back and know that the memories were good and the love was abundant.