In His Hands

This song has been running on a continuous loop in my head for the past week or so:

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

"Sovereign" by Chris Tomlin

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This song has been speaking to me for days. It's been a rough couple of weeks...I haven't been myself lately. God is asking me to do things I'm not sure I can do. He's asking me to do things that I have no idea HOW to do. There are obstacles, HUGE OBSTACLES, in my way and I have no idea how I'll overcome them. But then I listen to this song, and I remember - GOD ALREADY KNOWS!! He knows what your obstacles are. He knows how you will overcome them. He will prepare the way for you if you only let Him. How will these things He is asking me to do come to pass? I have absolutely NO IDEA. But if I just trust in the Lord, and truly put it in HIS hands, it will all be ok. Listening to this song reminds me that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be. God put me in this exact place, at this exact point in my life, because he knew I needed to be here to get there. He knew the people that needed to cross my path and the events that needed to occur. I am where I am supposed to be. As I listen to this song, I am reminded of these things:

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
God is everywhere, from the highest mountain to the deepest valley. He is with you.
 
With me in the calm
With me in the storm
When the waters are still, He is with you. When life brings you a hurricane, He is with you. 

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
He is with you when you experience joy, and He is with you when you are experiencing great sorrow. He is even with you when you've cried so much that you have no tears left.
 
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn
He will walk with you through your darkest times, and He will be there to greet you when the darkness lifts and the sun rises. Even when you can't see the light coming, He is walking along side you, guiding you through the dark and towards the light.

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you
He has designed your whole life. From the time you were born until the time you return back to Him, He has every detail worked out. Trust in Him. Wrap yourself in His arms and trust that He already knows what the final puzzle looks like.

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
God will never stop loving you. He ALWAYS LOVES YOU. No matter what. Even when life is hard, in the long run it will work out for good. Trust that the trials He has put you through are for a reason and will make you stronger.

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands
Everything is in HIS hands. Everything. Release all your hopes, your fears, your dreams, your worries, your sorrows...all of it release into God's loving hands. Reach up and receive His blessings upon you. Feel Him take your hands and work in your life.

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You are a beautiful, blessed, and LOVED child of God.  Never, ever forget that. We all know that life isn't always easy. We all have trials, we all experience pain and loss. But God knows what we have been through...He knows what we will be going through. The more we say, "God, I give my life to you" and mean it, the more we will find peace in our lives. Hold onto the hope that God has bigger, better plans for your life. Trust in Him and remember, He already has it all figured out. Isn't that wonderful?

Click below to listen to "Sovereign"

Nobody Expects to be Here

It's amazing how some people think that we expect hard times to fall on us. That somewhere along the way, deep down we expect to hear those devastating words - you can't have kids. You have cancer. A loved one has died. Just because we learn to live with these life-changing words does not mean that we ever expected to be in this situation. I never in a million years would have pictured myself at age 34 without kids, struggling to come to terms with the fact that I can't have kids normally like everyone else, and starting to consider that I may never have kids. No, that wasn't exactly part of the dreams I had for my life. Get married, have babies, live happily ever after. Isn't that what normal people do? Why am I so abnormal? Why is it so easy for everyone else and so hard for me? Some people talk to me like this was always a part of the plan...like I expected trouble. Like I budgeted for the thousands of dollars it would take to possibly conceive a child. But the fact of the matter is, I didn't expect it. Nobody expects it.

A friend of mine recently found out that she'll never be able to have kids. She's not even at a point in her life where she's thinking about having kids yet. She just went in for a routine yearly exam and came out with the most devastating news a woman can get - you'll never be able to bear your own child. An old high school friend and I recently reconnected because she is now seeing a fertility specialist after years of trying. Every conversation we have has some element of "I didn't expect it to be like this."

Whatever your struggle, whatever your pain, you didn't expect it to happen to you. When we were kids, we dreamed of a life full of happiness. We get married, we have kids, maybe a dog (or cats in our case!), and we all live happily ever after like they do in Disney movies. But that's not how life really ends up, is it? Somewhere along the way a huge wrench will be thrown into your plan. Suddenly you're thrown into a world where everything is upside down, nothing is going right. Suddenly the things you once thought important don't seem to matter as much anymore because you have to focus on this new, painful, path that has been laid out in front of you. It is filled with thorns to prick you, rocks to trip over, and ditches to fall in. It gets muddy sometimes and you feel stuck. You feel like you can't move anywhere - or maybe it's that you can't decide whether it's better to get pricked or to fall again. You know there's a clear path somewhere in the distance, but you can't always see it. Even when you get a glimpse of it, you wonder if you'll ever get there.

I told my friend the other day that, while I hate the fact that people have to go through struggles, I'm glad that there are people I can talk to that are going through (or have gone through) the same (or similar) thing. It's a paradox of sorts I guess. I don't wish infertility on anyone...it is just one of the most awful things to endure. But if I have to go through it...if someone else has to go through it...I'm thankful that we have each other to lean on. Is it fair? No way. I wish I could be like those people who pop out babies without even trying. I should have two kids by now...one would have either just been born or about to be born, and the other should be coming up on their 1st birthday in April. But they're not here. They're in God's hands right now - and so are you. You see, while we're going through these difficult times in our lives we do have one person we can ALWAYS rely on. God may not stop bad things from happening to you, but He WILL walk beside you - or even carry you - when they happen.

Earlier this week I had a particularly difficult day. Just one of those days where nothing went right and negative people kept interfering in my life. As a musician, it is music that soothes my soul and what makes me feel closest to God. So I sat down at my piano, opened my notebook full of worship songs, and played. I don't know how long I sat there and played and sang, but it was a while. A peace started to come over me, and I felt God reaching down and touching my heart. In that moment, I knew He was there and things would be ok.

We don't expect struggle. We don't expect bad things to happen to us. But when they do, God is with you. We will get bruised and broken...but when we begin to heal, the bruises fade and the bones strengthen. Be gentle with those who are experiencing the unexpected struggles. Be the kind of person that reaches out, lets them know you'll hold their hand while they walk this rocky, prickly, muddy path, and helps them to put back together the pieces of their torn soul.