I've always had a love-hate relationship with the Holiday season. Christmas is absolutely, by far my most favorite holiday of the year. I simply love the magic of Christmas, the lights, decorating the tree, baking cookies, shopping for gifts for my loved ones...all of it. LOVE. IT. I also hate the Holiday season. As a musician and music teacher it has always brought on tremendous stress. Getting ready for holiday concerts, packing in every last bit of instruction before winter break (and hoping they'll remember at least some of it in January), and the inevitable phone calls and emails from parents having wars on religions that they don't practice. Ugh! I don't have nearly the holiday stress anymore since I left teaching, and I can actually enjoy the holidays more than I have in many years. But, the Holidays also bring on memories. Some of them good memories, and some of them not so good.
I don't think it's any big secret that the Holidays can be depressing for some people. I also don't think it's any big secret that the suicide rate is higher around the Holidays. Why is that? We miss people more around the Holidays. This season is a daily reminder of those we lost, of ways our lives have changed since the year before (or perhaps many years before). My grandfather passed away 9 years ago, and there are still difficult moments around this time of year. This year, the Holiday season is bringing up a lot of difficult emotions for me. This is the second Christmas in a row that I had been planning to be pregnant. This year, I should be well into my 3rd trimester. I should be Christmas shopping for our baby arriving in early February! But, I'm not. Our first baby would have been 8 months old this Christmas. This would have been our first Christmas as parents. The first year we got to send OUR family photo card with OUR baby. The first Christmas we got to see our little son or daughter's eyes light up with delight on Christmas morning (even if he or she didn't understand it quite yet). The first year we got to take him or her to Hersheypark's Christmas Candylane, and sit on Santa's lap, and...well, you get the picture.
It is bittersweet really. I adore the magic of Christmas. I'm having the greatest time shopping for my niece and nephews this year...maybe a little too good of a time. I bought more for them then I usually do this year. Perhaps it's because, well, if I can't spoil my own child I might as well spoil someone else's. But even that has it's tough moments. I was in Old Navy the other day buying presents for my niece and nephews, and back in the baby section I almost lost it. I saw the most adorable clothes that I wanted to buy for my own children. I quickly composed myself to so I could finish my shopping and not look like a total idiot bawling in the middle of a store.
I happened to pass by a Hallmark keepsake ornament the other day that said "the ones we love never really leave us." I teared up when I saw it...because I believe it to be true. I know I'll get to meet my angel babies some day. I know my cousin Nikki is looking down on us. I know because she visits me in my dreams sometimes. I know all these people we have lost are in a better place, and out of pain and not having to deal with the crappy world we live in. But it still hurts. I still want them here. ALL of them. My angel babies, my cousin, my grandfather...everyone I've ever lost. It is difficult to let go and want at the same time.
So how do we cope with all this grief around the Holidays? Well, I don't know if I really have the answer to that. There are moments where it's ok to cry, and to remember. But I also think it's important to focus on the good things in our lives, and the people that we DO have with us. For example, I am not looking forward to Christmas night. Tradition in our family is to get together on Christmas night with my cousins who are local (and anyone else close to our family or who may be visiting) and play games. I'm not sure how many years we've been doing this, but it's been for a long time...like easily more than a decade. My cousin Nikki always organized a "Yankee Swap" game (a sort of white elephant gift exchange). She really got into it, too! She would send out an email every year with the rules (which were always different), and Nikki always came up with the funniest gifts. It was her thing. I asked her sister if we are still going to do Christmas game night this year. She said yes, it will be difficult but we are doing it because Nikki would want us to. It is traditions like family game night that bring me both joy and sorrow. Joy because I will be with family and people I love, sorrow because one of us will never join us for game night again. But we push through, and we try to make some normalcy of the situation. I am sure there will be tears shed on Christmas night. It is inevitable. But we will all be surrounded by people we love, and that is what will help us get through it.
Remember your friends who are grieving and/or struggling this Holiday season. Whether it be someone they lost, or someone struggling with infertility, or someone who can't get home to see their family, or some other reason. Maybe they lost a job, maybe times are really tough and/or money is tight. Whatever the reason, be compassionate. Do something special for them...or better yet, with them! It doesn't have to cost a lot of money. One of my closet friend's family lives 8 hours away and she can't always get home to see them on Holidays. I always extend an offer for her to have dinner with my family. A visit, a phone call, a card...keep in touch with your grieving and struggling friends. I discussed in my last post the power of a simple phone call. Just keeping in touch and letting them know you care says more than any material gift can ever say. If you don't have any grieving and/or struggling friends, consider adopting a family. Bless someone who has less than you. My cousin Nikki always kept several change jars throughout the year, and then right around Christmas would deliver the jar anonymously to someone's house that they knew were in need. Find simple ways to bless people, and find pleasure in the simple joys of Christmas.
Also remember Christmas is a celebration of the One who came to save us. God came down to Earth in the form of Jesus, to experience life as a human and to die for our sins. God knows human pain because He has experienced human pain. He knows the sorrow of losing a child because he lost his only son. Jesus gave his life so that we don't have to be perfect. How amazing is that?! At Christmas, we celebrate how it all started. Mary and Joseph paid many a sacrifice to bring Jesus into our world. Bask in the glory and the peace and the love of God and his Son. Know that our struggles will pass, and God has a plan that is bigger and better than ours. Know that those that are not longer with us are with Him, and they are doing just fine. We miss them, yes, we will always miss them. But as the ornament said, they will never really leave us.
Blessings,
Adrianne
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