In between all the insanity of our summer schedule, I also spent a lot of time in prayer and reflection. So many unanswered questions, so many choices to make and things to discern. I'll be honest, there were days I didn't want to get out of bed. I was on an emotional roller coaster. There were days I'd think one answer was absolutely the correct one, and other days I thought the complete opposite. I was in a whirlwind of unanswered questions and grabbing on to whatever answer felt right at the moment...and then I began to listen. I mean REALLY LISTEN to what God was telling me. Sometimes His voice is loud making it blatantly clear what He wants you to do. And other times, more often than not, His voice is quiet. You have to listen carefully to what He's telling you. I think God does this on purpose, to really make us tune into Him and His purpose. Because if God was constantly yelling in your face, you wouldn't have to listen so intently...and you'd probably end up tuning out the yelling eventually and stop listening altogether. I mean, that's what I do when I have someone yelling in my face! So this summer I listened. I waited. I listened some more. I started journaling in a private journal that revealed some things about myself, both beautiful and ugly.
A friend of mine got me into this jigsaw iPad app. This app has tons of cool puzzles, and it also has a "puzzle of the day." The picture of the day puzzle doesn't show the picture beforehand like all the other puzzles do. You just have to click on the puzzle of the day, and as you're putting the pieces together the picture slowly reveals itself. Some are pretty easy to figure out, others not so much. And when there are more pieces to put together, it takes longer and is increases the difficulty. Isn't our life with God just like a jigsaw puzzle? God already knows what the picture in the end will look like. He knows how every single piece of our life's puzzle will fit together long before we're even born. Every second of our life here on Earth, in Heaven, and for all Eternity has already been mapped out. And I know, just like everyone else, that sometimes we try to put two pieces of our life's puzzle together that don't fit. They belong in another part of our puzzle...or maybe they've found their way to the wrong box and don't fit in our puzzle at all. It's hard sometimes, especially when we want those pieces to fit so badly...or when two puzzle pieces are so similar that they LOOK like they should fit, but they don't. Putting together puzzles is challenging, frustrating, but also rewarding. You are putting together a beautiful picture. You have no idea what it is going to look like in the end, but you know it will be wonderful.
Every time we pick up a piece of our life's puzzle, we have to ask ourselves, "where does this piece go? Is it time to add this piece to my puzzle? Is it even MY puzzle piece?" and wait for God to answer. Patience. Oh my do I ever struggle with patience! I want things to be done MY way and NOW! Why won't God give me what I want this very second??? Story. Of. My. Life. But I'm working on it. I'll never completely get there, because it's in my nature to be strong-willed and stubborn (hey, God made me that way, so He knows how to deal with me, right?) ;-) But all kidding aside, I try. Some days are better than others, and that's ok. We weren't made to be perfect. We were just made to worship God and try and put the pieces of our life's puzzle together the best we can. If we listen, honestly listen, God will help us put those pieces together.
In the end, our life's picture will be beautiful. Yes there are ugly parts, but the overall picture is going to be so wonderful we will wonder why we spent so much time complaining about it. I imagine myself when I get to heaven standing next to Jesus, looking at my completed picture hanging in God's picture gallery in total awe and amazement. Then He says to me, "See? I told you it would be beautiful."
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